Yes yes I know. We’ve been conditioned from very young to seek someone to complete us.
As a part of our play routines, we played with tea sets, dolls, and watched happily ever after fairy tales.
We were taught how to cook, to sew, to clean – essentially all the things that “people” thought were required to snatch a good man.
As I sat, at eight years old, literally affixed to the television, watching the fairy tale wedding of the century, I committed to finding my prince in shining armor. As I waited for the wedding procession to arrive at the church along with the millions of others either watching via television or who were lining the route of the procession, I imagined my own wedding in great detail.
My dress would be white. It would be filled with sparkling gems. My veil would adorn my head as a crown sitting upon it.
There would be beautiful white roses filling the church.
My prince would be standing at the altar in his black tuxedo, watching me with the brightest smile as I walk toward him. Tears would fall out of his eyes because he’d never have seen someone so beautiful.
The music would be so moving that the filled church with people would feel our love and be overjoyed by it.
I can remember it so vividly. Sighs……..
And so, there I was in my pajamas on this Saturday morning in July of the year 1981.
My entire family was crammed in the living room. It was hot and stuffy with all of us in there, but nobody complained. This was THE event, and no one wanted to miss it.
The television’s volume was on at its loudest. No other sound could be heard in the room.
As the procession arrived at St. Paul’s Cathedral, goosebumps popped to the surface of my skin. I was so excited to see that a common girl could marry a real-life prince.
I was glued to the television.
I watched as Diana, exited the car, walked up the church’s entryway with a twenty-five foot trail attached to her wedding dress.
She was the essence of beauty; white skin, beautiful eyes, blonde hair and a smile that warmed the hearts of many.
When Diana left the church after exchanging wedding vows she was no longer Diana Spencer but Diana. Princess of Wales. A REAL life princess!!!!!
I vowed that I too would find my prince and live happily ever after.
Are you laughing here? I certainly am. Happily ever after? It certainly wasn’t what I found.
To make a long story short, about twenty two years after watching the wedding of the century, I found myself broken in ways I never expected to be. Heartbreaks, domestic abuse, unhappy jobs – and so much more had me so disillusioned.
The truth is, I’d worked so hard on loving others so that they would love me back that I’d neglected loving myself. As a matter of fact, I’d neglected myself so much that I’d depleted everything in me and thought that it would be better for me to die.
It was at this point, that God saw it fit for my mentor to find me. This is the person who would guide me from the darkness into the light.
My mentor taught me many valuable lessons. My mentor helped me to stand up again; to learn to love myself in ways I never even considered. My self-esteem and self-value were non-existent when we started working together but that changed within our first year of working together.
I learnt how to really affirm myself, how to identify my strengths and to get involved in activities I was passionate about.
I learnt how to sit in silence and allow my mind to relax.
I learnt how to detach from toxic people.
I learnt how to honor my “gut”.
I traveled, exploring new countries and cultures which gave me a greater appreciation for life.
I learnt how to love me and to LIVE not just to exist or not be focused on finding a man to complete me.
Sister, a love like this is possible. The love that we long for from external sources, is available to us if we open our minds and hearts to being good to ourselves.
We can love ourselves. We can treat ourselves just as good as we treat those we hope would love us back in return for how good we love & treat them.
When we learn to value, to love and to be kind to ourselves we just glow differently.
This glow is indeed a magnet; a magnet for all good things. It is because I know what it feels like to live in the light, to not be burdened by the heaviness of the darkness that comes from chasing love to fill an internal bottomless void, that I am passionate about helping other women come through to the other side.
Sister, the greatest love of all is already inside of us.
Allow it to attract the love of those around us.
I’m your sister in love ready and waiting to support you as you STAND UP AGAIN.